The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
