i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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