How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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