Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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