did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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