I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
