I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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