I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
