My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Will exercising make me less horny?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
