just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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