haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
did you just send me my own nude
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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