Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
