Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
