Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
