I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
