I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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