I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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