Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
