hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize