Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
