im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
