ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
