I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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