Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Don't make out with my wife yet
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
