Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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