If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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