First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
