you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize