Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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