His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
