I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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