No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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