Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
