6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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