saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
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