whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
