It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
