the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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