Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
