is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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