It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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