there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
