According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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