Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
