Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
