You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
