I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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