if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
