coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
