What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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