I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
