I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
