I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dicks are not precious.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
