I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize