That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
