the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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