I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize