did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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