Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
