You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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