i permit you to call me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
