I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize