your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
