i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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