It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
