he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize