toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
