90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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