Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
