i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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