i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize