physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
