Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Randomize
