I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
