As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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