I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
