What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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