Me. At least after what I've been through.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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