There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
