I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
