i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
