Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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