why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
