I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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