So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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