Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
