Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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