remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize