why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
