does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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