We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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