Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
