i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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