We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
