Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
