we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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