my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
