I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
